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Newbies Guide To Dominance and Submission

Jarl Mezentius — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 13:39:35 +0000

If you`ve been thinking about entering a Dom/Sub relationship or exploring the world of dominance and submission or master and slave, there are some basic definitions and rules that need to be understood. In this article I will discuss bondage, dominance and submission. Please do not confuse these things with S&M (sadism and masochism) where pain is inflicted. Nowhere in the definitions of bondage, dominance or submission is there anything to do with real physical pain and harm. S&M is a whole other level that involves torture for pleasure. I have no judgment on this, but it is not what I will be discussing as I will stick to the beginners role with dominance and submission right now.

Here are some basic definitions as taken from Dictionary.com:

Bondage – the state or practice of being physically restrained, as by being tied up, chained, or put in handcuffs, for sexual gratification

Dominance – the state that exists when one person or group has power over another

Submission – the act of submitting to the power of another

Next I will explore the different roles of the Dominant/Master and the Submissive/Slave. It is very important that each party understand their roles clearly before entering into a relationship. Their roles are equally important in their intricate play.

The Dom:
Ultimately the Dom has the ultimate authority. It is important that the Dom is strong in character and personality to the Sub as they will play the role of teacher and protector. The Dom needs to earn respect from the Sub by caring for their well-being, providing love for correct actions and punishing for incorrect behavior or actions. The Dom is there to guide the Sub, to show the Sub how to love and please the Dom best. It is important that the Dom never break down the security and trust of the Sub.

The Master:
The Master must follow all the same rules as a Dom, but in a much stricter sense. Instead of the Master just having a submissive, they can have a slave. Usually the slave is owned by the Master and is considered a very valuable possession. Many times there is some type of branding to show that the slave belongs to their master like a collar. The Master will deal with the Slaves incorrect behavior much more severely than the Dom would. However they are fiercely protective of their slaves because this valuable possession of theirs is completely dependent on their Master.

The Submissive:
The Sub is considered the student of the Dom. Their main role of course is to learn from the Dom, follow their directions and to please the Dom. The Sub is more than willing to do this and expects to be rewarded when the Dom is pleased and punished when the Dom is unhappy. The Sub wants guidance from the Dom and they will go out of their way to please the Dom because their sole mission is to give the Dom pleasure. When the Dom is happy, the Sub will be happy too.

The Slave:
The Slave is much more submissive than the Sub. They relinquish all control to their master and expect the master to take care of them and have their best interests at heart. They will live to please their master and serve the Masters needs and desires.

Dom/Sub relationships and Master/Slave relationships are extremely popular and people find amazing sexual gratification in this kind of role play. If you do decide to enter into this kind of relationship, make sure you understand each role before hand. It is important to agree on each others limits before the role play begins and make sure each individual understands that no actual injury should occur to the Sub. Also the Sub needs to have a “safeword” that is discussed before the play starts. This will allow the Dom to know that the play has gone too far and needs to stop when the Sub says this “safeword”. Even very experienced Master/Slave couples still use “safewords”. These are extremely important.

If you are wondering where to find a partner for one of these types of relationships there are many BDSM dating and BDSM personals sites online that allow you to find people in your area who are looking for a Dom or Sub partner. You’d be absolutely amazed at how many others are online actively seeking this role play. There is nothing to fear from any of this. If you understand the definitions and have open communication with your partner before hand then you can have a lot of fun. Master or Slave? Which would be your choice?

e[lust] #10

Jarl Mezentius — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 17:11:08 +0000

HNT Courtesy of Babe Lincoln

Welcome to e[lust] – The 10th edition! Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #11? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Negotiation – Not Nearly As Awkward As Having a Breakdown in Public – All the worries about getting to know a new person (“Am I dressed ok? Are they gonna like my stories about my grandma?”) get exaggerated when you’re talking about sex and desire…

Dollar Store Domme – He definitely can’t elude the dollops of toothpaste I dab onto his nipples. It takes a delicious second before he feels the cool burn penetrate his flesh. By that time I’m already up and selecting a plastic spatula from the credenza.

The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo? – Whether intentional or unthinking, bisexual denial is a frustrating thing for bisexual, pansexual or ‘fluid’ people to have to deal with.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Navigating Genderqueer in Suburbia – But pray tell how do the rest of us navigate it? How the hell am I supposed to know if you identify as male or just like dressing like one?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

The Daddy Issue: Sexualizing Abuse – I needed to walk through this fear, and turn it into pleasure. I needed to prove to myself that he hadn’t broken me. That he hadn’t changed who I was to become. That I was not affected by what he did. That he didn’t abuse me.

See also: Pleasurists #69 and #70 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

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